Monday, May 2, 2011
While sitting here in silence
While sitting here in silence, I await the divine inspiration that I know lies within me bursting at the seams- the tight- knit, see-through-me-not seams that hold my insides together like a stuffed animal's, well-loved, a little tethered- but these are rugged seams that don't let go. Today in a meeting I let my insides out a little- I cried when someone asked me how the move was going. Not because its the end of the world or I am moved by the current state of affairs in the world today (though both are true- I think the world as we know it is ending) but more so because I didn't feel good- what a sort of disappointing catalyst for the process of raining through the eyes. But yes that was it, no more, I just didn't feel good- I guess there is more though- missing the past and feeling insignificant and wanting to do so much more than I feel I am able to right now. But in my daily reading from yesterday (A book called Sacred Moments) it talked about humility. Anyone can feel special in helping end world hunger or taking care of lepers in Ghana (speaking of which watch the movie the human experience- it's excellent). It takes a real degree of humility to find fulfillment in putting away toys and doing the dishes. And today I might have found it a little bit. After I surrendered to exposing my true feelings this morning and letting go of trying to put on a happy face for everyone, I felt a certain sigh of relief. There was a piece in the movie I just mentioned that talked about how sharing your suffering with a friend brings you closer together and it's part of the quality of bonding that creates human connection. While I don't believe in dwelling in the negative or giving up to stinking thinking all the time, I am realizing that a certain amount of candid sharing can possibly bring the world closer- might be just the ticket for me at this time in my life.