Friday, December 2, 2011

When you feel like giving up

I want to give up on blogging, on goals, on organization, and zone out in front of the tv with a pan of cinnamon buns.  I want to hide from the world with my stomach ache and heart ache and over active mind- the hustle and bustle of running around in circles with my thoughts going nowhere, which is where many thoughts, that stay just thoughts, will lead you. 

Because in this day and age it's not important what you think, really- well to the extent that thought is creative and leads to action it is, but I mean... in the long run, what I think, about me, those around me, my lack of direction and inability to conquer certain reoccuring challenges (such as eating the whole pan of cinnamon buns...again)- these are not so important, especially when they stay cooped up in my head weighing me down like a shackle....

They are like shackles.  And I know too well how thoughts can create a prison of self: familiar grooves in brain connections comfortably firing their same old pattern of hopelessness. "Woah is me! (hand to head in a dramatic gesture of self pity)." How did I end up here with such a positive upbringing, with high moral direction, and impeccably shiny happy people holding hands all around me as a kid...

I'll tell you- I did not end up here.  This is no ending- I've mistaken my head from my rear- Why this is the beginning!- ahead is where I am going- I do believe I was looking behind me for the last...oh, lets see... 5 days or so: (Since I got the stomach flu on Sunday... that's about when I caught this case of the pity me's).  To conclude... on a postive note, since my head got sidetracked grammatically correcting this nonsence:
 x( Problem) + y (solution) = hmmm...

 x (Life) -- y( problem) = solution, wait... that's not right either.  I don't even know if I can fit an x and y in there.  Wouldn't that be great if it were a formula.  I think there definitely is a formula but it's more like:  (Oh... well actually this is totally an individual formula) prayer + service, definitely need more of it, so for me: + more service + community (to the power of some big number-not sure how to type that) + one step at a time + COMPASSION (for self AND other) -- any negative self talk + mysterious divine grace (that I so easily forget) = Contentment and fulfillment. 

There.  Piece of Cake.  Check answers by doing the problem backwards: yep- correct.  I think I feel better already...: ) (That so strange to think I feel some way... can you feel your thoughts like you think you feel something- yeah I guess I can really feel my thoughts some times...interesting...)

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